Saturday, 11 November 2017
I often say that my backgrounds are just simple, and here is a picture to prove this - just a scribbly mess of two shades of blue acrylic paint.
Tuesday, 31 October 2017
I do try to do what I can, however little that is, and I began to see that that is enough, and not to feel guilty because I cannot do more. The realities of my life mean that it will have to be enough, but nonetheless it helped me remember that what I can give - which is time and a listening ear - is of real value.
The background is yellow but looks greeny in some lights ... and as you can see below the light was very different when I began work to when I was finishing the page. The grey collage I laid on top of the paint looks blue below, but that was in artificial light.
The words below are simply making a record of what I'd learned through this particular encounter - that doing what you can is actually enough. Very often I forget that.
PS Lest I sound pious and self-satisfied ... you only have to look at my other pages to know how often I kick against my limitations, and hate the days when pain makes me cranky and horrible. Peace is hard to come by and all the more valuable because of that.
Sunday, 22 October 2017
Below the background I made with Neocolour II crayons in yellows and blues, onto which I've begun to collage various shapes. This is my go-to technique when I don't have any brighter ideas.
Trying out a new diet at the moment - well a complete change of my eating habits really - in the hopes that it might bring some improvement. There seems to be strong (proper medical) evidence that it can, so I can only hope it works for me. Nothing lost by trying ... except that, as predicted, you feel rotten for the first week or two. Yep. It must be working!!
Sunday, 8 October 2017
Tuesday, 3 October 2017
Having looked in my collage file of faces etc I couldn't find anything which felt right, so decided to draw my own. I used white, black and pink Posca paint pens, which as you can see are very opaque even over the acrylic background (though the white needed two coats).
Sometimes I worry that everything I make will come across as very self-absorbed, and I wish it wasn't, but pain makes you selfish and doesn't allow much mental space for anything else ... except maybe roses?
Monday, 25 September 2017
Maybe my struggle to accept the new diagnosis is part of the same pattern? In order to integrate this new reality I must first admit and accept its existence ... and only then can I get down to learning to live with it. Anyway, that's why I wanted to record this, because it seems to be a truth that could apply to a great many things in life, and a useful lesson to keep close to my heart.
I began by drawing these layers, not least because my life is getting complicated to say the least, and I wanted the page to reflect that. Looking at it again maybe these are actually storm tossed waves? They can be whatever I like!
Having half the energy I had before means I am a lot less productive at the moment, which is why there was a long gap since my last post as I had nothing to share. I TRY to post weekly but can't always manage it.
Monday, 11 September 2017
And that got me thinking about the fact that everyone has days when they feel this way, and everyone needs someone to remind them how special they are. So I made this page for me, but also for YOU - special people with SO much to give to the world around you, no matter on how small a scale you have to operate.
I painted a central panel on the page a nice cheerful yellow - I know it looks a bit greeny but it IS yellow - and used the baby wipe technique to blot it off and make interesting marks in the paint.
I now have an additional (presumptive for now) diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis, and that has rather stopped me in my tracks for a while. I did some crying and complaining, and a bit of itsnotfairing, but now I'm just getting on with it as best I can. Some days are better than others. My Beloved said (with perfect truth) ... "never mind love, you were sitting down anyway".
Friday, 25 August 2017
When I began I already had the leather suitcase images - in my imagination it was something small and battered, a bit like the one Paddington kept his sandwiches in. The strong orange colours of the leather really needed a neutral background to put them against.
The image below probably doesn't look like much but its an interesting technique - you paint the page and then wipe or blot some of it off with a baby wipe. A quick and easy way to get texture into what would otherwise be a flat page. This picture was taken in natural light.
And in case what I've said here doesn't entirely make sense to you - the workings of my mind often being mysterious, even to my nearest and dearest - here as promised is the original poem, written in 2001.
Like Paddington Bear I have this suitcase,
Brown-battered leather, hand luggage only,
Yet large enough to contain
All the fears, failings and foolishness
Which I think I may hide from myself,
Or my God.
The true extent of its contents
Remains unfathomable, although
Tardis-like, there is room enough
For a lifetime of secrets.
Now and then He catches me
Tiptoeing down the landing to hide the suitcase
Somewhere I may deny its existence or ownership.
Discovered and guilty, I must reveal All that it contains;
Accumulated pain of years, yet known and familiar
So kept close, strangely comforting.
When the case is empty I feel foolish,
But forgiven and free, lighter,
And I can leave without the baggage I have carried
For too long.
Alas Lord, sooner or later
I get myself another suitcase
And start to fill it again.
Will you meet me on the landing one more time,
Before it gets too heavy to carry?
PS Thank you for your good wishes, and yes I am feeling better :)